By Sheena Williams
Anger is a completely natural human emotion. However, it can quickly become destructive and get out of hand, if you are not careful. It can lead to loss of friends, relationships, and even your job. It taps into the more aggressive parts of your reactions, and it needs to be watched so that you don’t lose control. How often have you gotten angry with someone, then, later regretted saying the things that you said? Maybe you did something that you wish you hadn’t done in a moment of anger, and then, wish to take it back. Well, you can’t always take it back, and the best cure for the problem is prevention. Here are some things that you can do.
Express Your Angry Rationally
Anger is, at its core, an aggressive reaction to something that is wrong. Holding it in is not healthy, but neither is flying off the handle. Not all situations require doing harm or saying something hurtful. If you find that something is really bothering you about that person, meaning bothering you because of something that is affecting you directly, then, you should say something calmly. After you have said your peace, you need to let it go, or take the next step and go to a higher up. It is not your responsibility to crusade against Mandy for using up the paper clips and not putting new ones out. They may not even know it’s an issue. Just make sure that it is something that is your business. You being irritated because Jessica is wearing a red dress (and you hate the color red) is not a problem with her. It’s a problem with you.
I know it’s easier said then done, but sometimes taking a deep breath and counting to ten is the order of the day. Some people really don’t know that they are irritating. Silently repeat words and phrases such as: relax, calm down, or take it easy. Picture a relaxing place and just stay there for a minute. Breathe in deeply and release the anger when you exhale. Sitting down and taking a minute is another way to release the anger. It may sound like a lot of work, but when you weigh the time it takes to calm yourself down against saying or doing something you will regret forever, it isn’t much of a contest.
Most of the time, the object of your anger doesn’t know that you are angry. You may think that the person you’re angry at is cognitively aware of every thought or feeling you have and they just simply are not. They are no more aware of why you are angry than you are aware of the amount of people you’re making angry. You just never know. So when you see Mandy not replenishing the paper clips, just mention that the paper clips are in the drawer to the left. When she is using the last clip, she may think that the cleaning people re-fill the paper clips and not the office staff themselves.
Getting Over Yourself
Learn to recognize when you should be angry. Just because the day is not going your way or you’re not immediately getting what you want, that is not an excuse to let every curse word you know fly out of your mouth. Recognize that there are other things going on around you. The world does not revolve around your day, and that sometimes the dog that has its day is not you. You will have your day, and it will be made even better because you’ve had time to get ready for it. People change, rules change, and plans change. It’s best to make peace with that and start working around it now.
Find A Solution
A lot of time anger comes from frustration. Stress is a silent killer that knows no age, race, creed or religion. It affects all of us differently, and the only known cure for distressing is to get rid of it. If you have a problem at work with getting something out timely, find out why. Once you can identify your stressors, then, you can begin working on it. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to recovery.
Doing Something Constructive
If you find that when you get angry, the first thing you want to do is to swing at someone or shout at someone, then, it’s time to change your modus operandi of how you express your anger. Putting your hands on someone without provocation is not acceptable at any time. Take a yoga class, or Tai Chi or just get some exercise. Instead of cussing, find more eloquent ways of expressing what it is you want to say. Try not to use words like forever or always. Nothing is forever, and nothing happens always or even all the time. Also avoid being passive-aggressive. You know who you are, being rude while smiling is still being rude!
Hopefully this article finds you well and happy. If you know someone who has severe anger issues, then, by all means, seek professional help. It could be a response to a deeper issue that meditation cannot fix. As always be safe and be happy! △